


5 times Nate didn't need Shoma's help and one time he did (or Nathan stop being stupid)

by Mushroom_scientist



Category: Figure Skating RPF
Genre: @Media pls fuck of and leave them their privacy, Adam being a supportive dad, Hello naughty little children it's anxiety time, M/M, Nate is oblivious too, Protect Nathan Chen 2kforever, Shoma is oblivious af, knife shoes appreciation society, outing by media, post olympic short program, sensory overload?? maybe? idek it was a mix of all these nice anxiety things, tags will be added along the way
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-12-10
Updated: 2018-12-10
Packaged: 2019-09-15 03:24:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,341
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16925580
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mushroom_scientist/pseuds/Mushroom_scientist
Summary: 5 times Nate didn't need Shoma's help and one time he did





	5 times Nate didn't need Shoma's help and one time he did (or Nathan stop being stupid)

**Author's Note:**

  * For [K1mHeechu1](https://archiveofourown.org/users/K1mHeechu1/gifts).



He didn't know how it happened. How he failed in that short program twice was inexplicable. He won every Grand Prix event this season, he was the favorite...  
\---  
“Nathan Chen debuts on Olympic ice with disappointing short program”

As soon as he finished his program Nathan felt horrible. The crowd was too loud and the noise clouded his senses until it all felt like white noise. His costume suddenly felt so tight around him that he couldn't breathe.  
He still was aware of the fact that the whole world was watching him so he forced a smile, bowed and waved to his audience.  
He hurried to the exit and he could already see the disappointed look of Raf who looked like he was trying to murder the water bottle he was holding.  
He stepped off the ice and silently put on the blade guards while avoiding his coach's gaze. He didn't say anything and Raf only watched him.  
As he was walking with his coach to the kiss and cry and he could be sure the main cameras were off of him he blurted out a short “I'm sorry” to his coach. Raf didn't say anything and just nodded and gave him a pat on the shoulder.  
Waiting for the scores has never been so agonising.  
Watching the replays felt even worse. He then realized his short program was even worse than he thought.  
The whole world was watching and he had to be strong right now. There were so many people who believed in him.  
But then the replays ended and he was back on screen. He forced another smile and waved to the audience.

“The scores please” the announcer said.  
Nathan sat up straight and focused on the scores.  
He knew they would be bad but as soon as he saw the 82.27 he let out an incredulous breath. This couldn't be. Nathan gasped when he realised it put him in 13th place and there were still 4 skaters to go.

He failed again.  
He was a failure.  
He let down his coach and everyone who supported him.  
Nathan wanted to say something to Raf but he was so shocked he couldn't get out a word. This was the second worst score he's got since juniors.  
How did that happen?  
He mouthed a quick “I'm sorry” to the camera and then pressed his lips together.  
He felt like crying. Not because he was sad, he was just so angry at himself.  
He wanted to get out. It was too much, too many people, too much light, too much noise.  
When the cameras were on the next skater he got up as quickly as he could and almost tripped out of the kiss and cry.

When Rafael tried to grab his arm to steady him he snapped: “Don't touch me” and pulled it away.  
The coach tried “Nathan...” but he was cut off by a “No. Leave me alone.” From Nathan who hoped his voice wasn't as shaky as he thought.  
Almost blindly he wandered through the corridors to the locker room.  
He passed Adam on the way. Right when Adam wanted to talk to him he just cut him off with a pleading “Please don't.”  
Adam respected it and stopped talking.

Only in the locker room Nathan could be sure there were no cameras recording every move.  
Suddenly the whole situation came crashing down on him.  
Everyone has a breaking point and his was definitely crossed.  
He stumbled into the room when another dizzy spell overcame him and he had to lean into the wall for support and let himself slide down on a bench.  
His costume was too tight. He couldn't take the feeling of it on his skin.  
Only one thought crossed his mind. He wanted to get it off  
Get it off.  
Off.  
The thought repeated itself like a mantra.  
The world was spinning and he couldn't breathe.  
Nathan gasped for air and fumbled with the zipper. The longer he struggled to open it the more he struggled to breathe.  
Nathan muttered curses in between his breaths as he tugged at the zipper now caught in the fabric. Too many different thoughts were racing through his brain. He wished he could turn them off for just a second. It was all too much. Too many noises, too much light, too many feelings, too many thoughts. Eventually Nathan had to give up the struggle with his zipper because a small voice of reason came through that he didn't want to destroy a Vera Wang costume. But that didn't help him at all. He grabbed his hand and didn't even notice that he dug his nails into his skin. He still had the feeling he couldn't breathe. Nathan knew he had to try and ground himself before he spiraled even deeper. Adam told him shortly before the Olympics how to do that but he never thought he'd actually need it.  
He tried to focus on deep breaths, counting his breaths. He tried to focus on his surroundings. It was harder than he thought but eventually it helped him calm down. But as if that hasn't already been bad enough, now he noticed he was crying. Nathan didn't want to cry. He just wasn't the person that cries and he didn't want to be. But now he couldn't help it. All that pressure, disappointment and anger bottled up in him and now it wanted to get out. He couldn't help it.  
He couldn't hold back anymore.  
He remained like that for some time. Sitting there, face buried in his hands, trying to keep his breathing steady.

He only looked up when he heard footsteps and someone opening the door. He turned to the door and saw Shoma Uno coming in.  
Before he knew what he was doing he snapped “What are you doing here?” Shoma was surprised and replied “I forget jacket here” as he was walking towards his locker. “But this is no private. Not your room” Shoma rolled his eyes at the rudeness of the fellow skater and turned to look at Nathan. His eyes got wide when he realised that Nathan's eyes were red from crying and he was taking deep breaths.  
Shoma knew what happened, of course. He had to get ready himself but he had seen Nathan fall multiple times and absolutely bomb his short program. Twice.  
He realised how hard it had to be for Nathan and how big the pressure on him was. By fans, the media, his own federation.  
“A-are you ok?” Shoma asked. He looked genuinely worried. “Can I-” “I don't need your help, Shoma. Just shut up and leave.” Nathan snapped back. He didn't want pity and the last thing he wants is pity from a rival.  
The Japanese skater looked taken aback but respected it. He nodded and quickly left the room with his jacket.  
And Nathan was alone again.  
Ah yes… another thing he hadn't quite figured out yet.  
Whatever he felt for Shoma.  
He never payed attention to men. But that cute Japanese figure skater always gave him a warm feeling. He was also super hot and Nathan caught himself staring at his butt at multiple occasions. But that wasn't the only thing. He wanted to go out with Shoma, to hold him and to be with him. He never felt that way before. Nathan had to admit, he fell for Shoma, hard. He was definitely having a chat with Adam after this whole mess was over. But right now there wasn't any time for that. He had to get out there again so he took a couple of deep breaths and finally brought up the energy to stand up and change. There still were press conferences to attend and Adam was probably waiting for him, wondering if he was ok. He was not, but he would be, eventually.  
But until then he'd turn all his anger and all his fear into determination. He fell so often already. Now it's time to get up again.


End file.
